I just realized that I'm standing on a trap door...you know, the type that opens beneath you when your belligerence before the court has pushed the right buttons. When you truly feel the weight of your impending exit and embrace it like the sting of a winter wind when you left your fleece behind in spite of better reason. It's on you. Embrace that. For whatever reason, I am free to spew architectural bull shit like urban sprawl...to serve up soup on a plate.
There is a very safe place where everyone is sleeping and I am alone and free, enraptured in a world of limitless beauty and possibility. I could step out into the starry night and follow a nameless logging road up the mountain and into the pines to find myself in a clearing searching the valley below like an aimless gust. How long are my arms? What is my reach? Not enough to touch my dreaming family.
Maybe I could convince myself that I have to wake up tomorrow at 5:00 a.m. I'll set my alarm even though I have tomorrow off. When I hear it beeping like, "wake up, wake up, wake up little slave," I'll open my eyes just long enough to realize that I've successfully fooled myself and then savor the moment I turn it off and roll over to burry my face in the pillow and dissolve into exctasies.
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